NEW NOW

23.11.2023
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NEW NOW

For peace in us and the world

A few years ago I have written a book, it’s called “NEU – ein intimer Dialog mit dem Leben” (“NEW – an intimate dialog with life”). A book that serves peace, that deals with the deep and serious question of how we as humanity can shift into a new consciousness.

That is wonderful, but there is always a little sting in me with this book. A lot has happened since then, in the world and to me, that I would never have thought, even though I have seen signs of it, even though I suspected it – especially when writing the most edgy part of the book. That there are sides coming out that I am absolutely not at peace with, and how that shows and affects me. And I think that’s exactly where my shame lies with this work – that it doesn’t lead to a great redemption. But that it simply shows what it takes: such a profound, shameless honesty and responsibility with ourselves that I’m always afraid to even expect this to my potential readers.

It is so palpable what an abyss we are standing on. And not just because of the “bad guys” out there, but because of the hiddenness, cut-off and deep repression of the “evil” within us. In one way or another, we are all trapped in an illusion that we are better than those who commit such atrocious acts. And when, if not now, is this so clearly put in our faces. The atrocities are HAPPENING. The incomprehensible is HAPPENING. On the one hand, this is nothing new, but on the other… it has never been so brutal and pure for me. At least I have never been able to see and feel it so clearly, it was always softened by the temporal, external or internal distance. But now it is there. It’s pressing on me, pressing on our bubble, our Western world, and it’s almost unbearable how terrible it is. How terrible the manifold, horrific realities in the human world are that we are confronted with every day.

That is one side of the ridge I walk on – the abyss of horror. Everything that I find terrible in the world and can hardly let myself touch in its entirety, simply because it overwhelms me. And yet it comes so close to me. The trick is to let it in without drowning in it. To touch it, feel it, without being overwhelmed by it.

The other side that keeps flashing and shining in this book and that stretches out its wonderful sensors towards me… is the frequency of the new. It’s not called “NEW” for nothing. It is the frequency of a life, of the essence within us that pulsates with pure love, that can reach into everything with its joy and its colors and tireless devotion. Which I experience as “I” in my core. Such breathtaking beauty in the quality that lives there. How I would have loved to write a book simply in this quality. How I would have loved to find the formula for how we can simply switch to this quality. Because that’s what it’s all about…: “How can we as humanity switch to the quality of connectedness?” How I wish I could have presented a simple answer. And how easy it is to fall prey to the illusion that because I can feel it within me, it simply manifests itself, it is simply there.

This is the other side of the ridge I walk – the lure of the beauty and perfection of the New Being. The danger of getting lost in the world of our potential and loss of the connection to the reality in which we live.

And so it is this tension that I encounter again and again in relation to this book. It’s not a “good world” book, nor is it a “I know how to do it and I’ll show you”, nor is it a “It’s all for shit and we can give up” or a “It’s the others’ fault”. It is an uncovering of the tension between the poles. An uncovering of the struggle between light and dark. And a palpating and planting seeds for the middle way. For the ridge between the worlds, between the poles, as well as a space in which all these extremes are contained. It is a plea for the uncomfortable truth that we are the ones who make the decision – for the light or the dark, for love or fear, for connection or separation. But not because or when it feels nice – but precisely where the sting is deepest. And that is… in many parts unpleasant and in many parts a deep relief. It leads to a point – the point at which each individual bears full responsibility: For their very own decision.

It’s also not easy for me to see that something in me thought (or hoped) that it was now clear how it works. I had written the book, I had felt it all, I knew the other world, I had met the shadows inside me, and I had been shown all the points where it was grinding. And then… instead of things getting “better” now, the new just opening up and I’m fine, I end up in the biggest crisis of my life. Life throws me into situations that show me in such a blatant way where I am living in illusion. Where I really suck. Where I am so deeply traumatized that I could only uncover and touch it step by step. Where I projected onto other people and the world what was deeply at odds with me.

The ripples it caused were enormous. There were long stretches during this time where just dealing with not falling completely into the abyss took all my energy – and affected all my relationships. I’m not proud of it, for a long time I just thought it was terrible and deeply shameful that it happened to me, that I was like that. Until it was allowed to slowly dissolve, until it was allowed to slowly heal. Until I was able to forgive myself and others. And until the new plant could be felt in the ashes after the fire.

Today I can see that all of this has led me to places where I was undecided. Where I was a gateway to dark forces. And I am grateful that life has given me the chance to encounter these places and to make a new decision and follow this decision. To learn what it really means to follow the light and love. In the places I didn’t want to see and the places where I couldn’t see it, where it’s just plain dark.

And that’s where I’m walking now – on the ridge between the extremes, the middle way. Much quieter and less agitated and much less “great” than I once thought. Much less “knowing” than how I saw myself. A humility and stillness is with me that I didn’t have before. Peace grows in the places where I manage to sit with things in silence. To be in the conflicts that I resolve in myself and my relationships or that I am allowed to accompany. Much less “doing”, much more simply being there. Allowing otherness. Taking things less personally. Being clearer about my boundaries. Much less daydreaming. Arriving in life as it is – with a compass in my heart to what is true and sacred to me.

And I hold this book in my hands and feel the seeds it contains. Feel the beauty and the blatancy that resonate within it. Feel its very own power to serve peace. And I think it would be wonderful if it could go further out into the world and reach those who can harvest its seeds and let them germinate – those for whom it helps to pacify their own abysses.