I lie on my side, my right hand curled in my lap, my fingers wrapped around the entrance, a soft, rich, listening contact. I am learning.

Understanding arises in me like a gently clearing fog, the mind becomes less dense and the permission arises that it too, gently, tenderly, entrusts itself to the guidance of my nature. A simultaneity of letting go of its old way of holding the reins and letting in a new movement that it does not yet know. A mind that is used to having the power of decision, that it is in the driving seat, that decisions are made by it. It surrenders, it relaxes into the opening, it allows itself to trust.

He sits there awake, I lie there and listen to what is revealed inside me. If he no longer decides, who will? Where do the impulses to move me to action actually come from? What determines how I act and where does it come from?

It is not an understanding, but rather an infiltration of knowledge about how life expresses itself in me, in my organism, in my everyday being – in the places and forms that I allow.

Something is happening here, I pause.

Oh my god. That’s the crux of the matter. It is seeping into me deeply right now that we really really really really DON’T DO ANYTHING. Oh my gosh… we don’t do anything. We create nothing, really nothing. Nothing. Never.
Life brings forth, out of itself, out of the source – and we allow it or not. That is what we do. We limit or not. And even then, we can only do so to the extent and with the abilities we have been given – we didn’t do that either. Our only choice is to say yes or no to what is within our radius of influence with the abilities we have been given… to WHAT IS. C’est tout.

*

I… become still, close my eyes, feel my breath coming in and out of me, allowing the waves of depth of realization that are flooding me right now. I don’t know if this seeps through the words, or rather I realize that it depends on how open the consciousness of the person reading these lines is. Either way, the space of writing allows me to experience this depth.

Before my inner eye, the people in the form of trees of consciousness, the energetic structures within, which direct the currents of life into thoughts, feelings, bodies and experiences. Feel within me that the recognition I am currently experiencing comes from the spaces I have conquered in recent years. Where my roots are now planted in healthy living spaces. Where these roots feel healthy, light, strong and bright and there are no more question marks or worries within me, where I completely feel: YES, this feels completely right, it is HEALTHY here.
And I look around me and see so much black. See so many human roots thin, emaciated, crippled, helpless. Desperately groping for food in unhealthy soil, sucking. Sticking their antennae into pots that cannot nourish them. A new image for the collective anchoring in trauma.
And here and there, other bright roots light up. I see healthy and sound roots among all the darkness. Trees that are peeling, pulling their strands out of old stuff and learning to smell anew where the healthy food is. So many are looking for this movement right now – a collective learning to relate to healthy life again, to get involved.

*

A visit from my stepdaughter yesterday. Our shared space so open, these two beings sitting there together and feeling how they help each other to unfold their being – through their presence, their witnessing. And then her sentence:

“We’re in the same school!”

Yes, it sounds inside me and I think: “We are students of the School of Eden”. This is what is meant by the school I keep dreaming about…? We are both here to learn how to embody life in its healthy form, in its holiness. How we as whole beings – divine and human – can embody here IN CONSCIOUS UNITY WITH LIFE.

*

And I and here and now, in this deep, intimate listening with my womb… am given the experience that life expands in me, forms me, shapes me, fills me and is realized in me BECAUSE IT DOES IT – and not because I do it.
I am allowed to learn much more, step by step and level by level, not to disturb it anymore. May visit the roots that sought their water to survive in dilapidated ponds. May learn to give new nourishment to the mouths that were given a bottle instead of a breast. It can calm the nerve tracts that have been in a constant state of over-firing and have their fine antennae anchored in the frequencies for whose messages they are actually built.

This is such a subtle, long, huge reorganization process – controlled from a level of my being that extends far far far beyond what I could currently call “I”. And yet, of course, this is me – but it does me good to have the humility to recognize that “I” am much more a perpetual student of this source. This miracle, this incredible infinite magic of the living, creative universe.

And what a gift to be able to consciously be a part of it, to learn to understand this magic, to be able to write about it, to experience it, savor it, share it and expand it. To be able to have these infinite magical experiences of how life builds, unfolds and knits itself within me. Just as it cuts, kills, takes and digests. A never-ending, ever-flowing process of opening and closing, of coming and going, of saying yes and no, of coming into being and passing away.

*

And I sense, especially with the new, beautiful and great things that are about to open up in me, that their passing, farewell and death are also directly included. Just as when we, as sparks of consciousness, embarked on the journey of embodiment, the experiences of the abyss, of blackness and damnation were also included, as well as the seeds for the path back to the source.

…

Everything is a movement.
Everything is one.

What an amazing journey!